I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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