nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
