....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you had me at cake vodka
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
