I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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