haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
