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Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
