They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
