how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
