just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
