Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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