Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's blow job season.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
