You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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