I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
