Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
