they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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