Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You made out with two different species that night
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
