mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
