Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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