Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
