You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
