My first STD was from a foam party
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
