Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
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