The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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