just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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