I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
