He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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