Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
