hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
