I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
