true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
