I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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