I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
