I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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