I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize