K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
