I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
