as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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