After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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