Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize