I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
