I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He told me they were just razor bumps!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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