Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
