those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
