i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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