moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
