You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
