She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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