I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
