Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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