Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
