FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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