Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm like, not good at living.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
