Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize