She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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