she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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