pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
