Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
In America we eat man semen.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize