you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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