Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
