I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize