My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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