my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
