Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
