well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
