How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
