Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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