I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
