Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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