Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
