Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
